And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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