Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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