Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And then my night got REAL pukey
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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