Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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