So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
