3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
