Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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