she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
