He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
