just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
