don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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