I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize