Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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