Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
