So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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