What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
