Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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