I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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