is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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