i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
