Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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