I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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