I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
