I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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