new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
