I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
