I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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