Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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