I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
