she looked like the before picture.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize