i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize