fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
