before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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