smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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