i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
