Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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