Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
