My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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