Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
