went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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