laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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