I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
