i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
