i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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