The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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