So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
