Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
