I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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