Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its about making memories worth repressing
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize