So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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