Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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