I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
