Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
