Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
