I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
