I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
