pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
