he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
