my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
