(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
