I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize