You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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