she was so not down for the gang bang
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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