I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
