If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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