I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
