A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
