I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize