K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
