People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
